January 5, 2007

So I was in class yesterday and we were put into groups and were told to talk about our winter break. This one girl was telling us God answered her prayers and that she felt like God was really, physically, close to her during break. It kind of made me sad. I long for that kind of intimacy with God, but God doesn’t seem to talk to me like that.  More often than not, prayer feels dry. Empty. Silent. I mean, there are times when I am overwhelmed by God. Where I can almost feel God’s arms around me. But not very often.   

It makes me feel like a bad Christian. Like I just don’t believe in God enough. Or that I don’t try hard enough.  But I know that God doesn’t work that way.   

There have been periods in my life when I felt very close to God for months at a time, but it just isn’t how it usually is for me.  So yeah. I struggle to feel good enough for God.  But at the same time, I know (intellectually at least), that I don’t have to do anything to get closer to God. I guess I wanted to say that if you ever feel distant from God, there is nothing wrong with you. And I just wish the Church would admit that sometimes God is silent so we wouldn’t feel so guilty when we don’t hear the booming voice from above.