January 5, 2007

So I was in class yesterday and we were put into groups and were told to talk about our winter break. This one girl was telling us God answered her prayers and that she felt like God was really, physically, close to her during break. It kind of made me sad. I long for that kind of intimacy with God, but God doesn’t seem to talk to me like that.  More often than not, prayer feels dry. Empty. Silent. I mean, there are times when I am overwhelmed by God. Where I can almost feel God’s arms around me. But not very often.   

It makes me feel like a bad Christian. Like I just don’t believe in God enough. Or that I don’t try hard enough.  But I know that God doesn’t work that way.   

There have been periods in my life when I felt very close to God for months at a time, but it just isn’t how it usually is for me.  So yeah. I struggle to feel good enough for God.  But at the same time, I know (intellectually at least), that I don’t have to do anything to get closer to God. I guess I wanted to say that if you ever feel distant from God, there is nothing wrong with you. And I just wish the Church would admit that sometimes God is silent so we wouldn’t feel so guilty when we don’t hear the booming voice from above.     


2 Responses to “”

  1. Matt (Mateo) said

    I dont know if theres any special about people on that Jesus High (smoking their Jesus Pipe). Perhaps its selection bias and we only really see the good times and not the bad. In any case I think I feel the pressure at times to demonstrate how close God and I are when I am in a position of leadership. More often than not however, I think its relieving to people to have leaders admit that they are just as human as everyone else. Ordinary people that struggle just like everyone else.

    Many people like to see Jesus as this awesome unwaivering figure, and no doubt in my mind that he is, but he was still human (even though part God), and this means temptation. I think about how much I fail God and I think it just add credit to Jesus that under the same circumstances and even more he succeeded. I think calling what Jesus did and does easy and it should be easy for us as well actually detracts from the amazing life that he lived.

    I know its hard to appear vulnerable and weak, especially in an environment that doesn’t necessarily desire it. I bet Jesus looked rather weak when he didn’t advocate total war against the Romans; didn’t prove to be the King and military leader the Jews wanted. I like to believe that because Jesus could do it, I can do it too. If it helps any there are plenty of people that appreciate an ordinary person doing extra ordinary things. And of course I am always here. =)

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